I surpassed my own personal NaNo goal for this year, but there’s a big part of me that’s really irritated that I didn’t hit 50K. I think there’s a part of me that feels like if I’d just worked harder I would have. I think my bigger issue is I don’t get the winner badge on my NaNo page. And that bothers me.

I think it all comes down to the idea of “winning.” I was with some dear friends I write with on Friday and we all agreed that it’s the aspect of winning NaNo that can drive us. And then one of them mentioned that maybe not winning- not just throwing up 50K words that were only maybe decent- was the way to go.

I struggle with this.

When I write I know that I’m going to edit the crap out of it. I know that I will change lots of things after that first draft. My first draft is almost like something I do just to prove I can write a somewhat cohesive story. Not that it’s any good or something I’d ever want something other than Heather to read… Just proof that I can start at point A and get to point B. So, knowing this about the way I write, is it better to just throw up words for the sake of doing it?

I also break a pretty big rule. I edit while writing my first draft. It sometimes help me focus to go through printed pages and to edit. I especially do this if I make a hard left during my draft and I need to edit to make it match up.

So… Maybe I didn’t officially win, but I have 35K on a new story that I didn’t have before. I also edited my other MS and got it back to Eric. So. Yeah. Maybe I don’t get a Winner badge, but I am pretty happy with what I’ve done.

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