It’s no secret in my family that I am a huge klutz. Add in the fact that I am on crutches and it just makes my life even more interesting. This means that I fall, a lot. The good news is that for the most part I know how to fall “correctly”- as in with as little damage as possible to my actual body. It’s a skill and one that I learned through, my awesome physical therapists and just years of experience.

Lately though I seem to have forgotten all of my knowledge about being an amputee or how to handle it. If I was still having growth spurts I’d blame my complete lack of grace or coordination on that. Instead I think it’s just my clumsiness comes in waves and I’m in a pretty big wave.

Last week I just didn’t think. Like, literally I was not thinking, and I stood on my spare pant leg and then tried to walk. Know what happens when you do this? It’s like pulling a rug out from under your own feet. There was a thunderous THUD as I hit the floor of my hallway, shaking the entire house. Classic rookie amputee mistake. It’s only been 25 years. One would think I would learn. (a 9.5 on the Kati-Falls-Scale)

Tonight, in about a five minute time span I managed to fall twice in my kitchen. I was making dinner for my kiddos before we left for church. I turned and my crutch managed to find the plastic bottom out of a reusable bag and I sort of gracefully slid to the ground. Eleanor was hanging out in the kitchen with me and gasped, “Mama! You scared me!” I’m sort of sitting there on the floor thinking that at least it wasn’t a big fall. (only a 4 on the scale) I got back up, finished cutting up her apples, and going about my business. THEN as I was leaving the kitchen my crutch slid on a stupid tea towel that I had up for decoration (and it was a Christmas one at that). I fell straight down on my stomach. I managed to mangle my knee and my arm up. This one was much more dramatic and definitely hurt more. (a 9.6 because of the pain involved) Neither of my kids even noticed.

I’ve had other really great falls over the years.

  1. I broke my wrist my senior year on the last day of auditions for my last high school musical by tripping over a vacuum cord in my closet.
  2. I sprained my knee tripping over a sidewalk my freshman year of college. In the middle of the day.
  3. I broke (the same wrist) during rehearsals for my first professional show when I fell out of an imaginary closet.
  4. I fell in a parking lot while wearing infant Eleanor. This one required a trip to the walk in clinic and massive irrigation to get it clean. And my knee now bleeds if you look at it wrong.

So, tonight after this fall I decided to come up with a rating scale to judge these by. A 1 is barely  fall, more of an ungraceful trip. A 10 requires a trip to the emergency room. I’ll keep you up to date on where I land. ((ALL PUNS INTENDED).

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